I Was Voted “Most Likely To __________” In High...
Latest post on TheFrisky.com: Leo Epstein: “Most likely to become a billionaire recluse a la Willy Wonka.” This is what I was voted in my high school yearbook. Although, now that I think about it, to be “voted” this title seems highly unlikely, and my guess is that the 2003 yearbook editor took some very generous editorial liberties in these pages. I had forgotten all about this until I was...
w4m missed connection: “Last night at 2am wandered into circus of books up late on ambien, you said I had good jeans. I don’t remember what I said, I think you kissed me. I woke up with a braid in my hair. You might have the answer I’m looking for.”
w4m missed connection: “12pm today. Guy with a nice beard, driving like a shithead.”
chat with apple store guy
Me: I'm looking for a case for my iPad.
Apple store guy: The iPad 2?
Me: No. iPad 1.
Apple store guy: I don't actually think we have any left...
Me: Not even one?!
Apple store guy: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Me: Ugh, I really need one. I've been walking around with my thingy in a sock.
Me: That came out wrong.
Reasons Why We Shouldn't Date
You’re smarter than me. You’ll talk about things like the “transavantgarde movement” and you seem to know exactly how the election will play out. I’ll nod and whenever you ask a question I don’t know the answer to, counter it with an off-topic comment or say, “interesting theory,” and squint my eyes in fake thought. Which, by the way, is a tactic I...
me: we should go on a hike tomorrow.
sister: yes, but hiking is just so...outside.
me: perhaps we should invent indoor hiking.
sister: ok, well, maybe i'd go. if i could find a really good visor.
Missed Connections: Beetlejuice - w4m (Universal... →
To the guy dressed up like Beetlejuice at Universal Studios. I’ve always wanted to get a picture with you but never had the guts to come up to you. I guess I’ve had a secret crush on you for a long time…You put your arm around me and held me close. I haven’t been held like that by a man in a very long time…Then you spit all over my son’s BFF. ;-‘) It was...
this was my dream last night
In my dream, there’s this fancy new restaurant in Silver Lake and I’m walking by and decide to check it out. I take a table because I’ve just texted someone who might join me for food. The waiter comes and asks if I’d like some wine and I say yes, can you recommend some. He says the Barolo is very good. I say that sounds lovely and he brings me a glass. My friend has...